Seven months. That's disgraceful.
But I'm back, and very glad to be here. What a year it's been. It's hard to believe the first wedding anniversary is right around the corner. Such an incredibly beautiful memory, and so much love for my husband, and so much gratitude for the life we share. And yet, it's been a shitty year. A lot of death, illness, cancer and cancer scares.... horrible. There's been a lot of horrible in this year. Nonetheless, it was beautiful to have Matt as a support to share it all with.
I went to church on Sunday for the first time in many years. It was very complicated. For those who aren't "in the know", I was a full out, hands to jesus, bible thumping, holy roller teenager. For about a decade, Jesus was my steady. Then we broke up, and it was a pretty ugly break up. For about a year I've been feeling like I was supposed to go back, but to a Unitarian church. No jesus, just a theology of respecting each other and the world around us and a deep respect for the fact that everyone's journey is different and to be respected. It really fits with my belief system.
It was a really strange experience. I spent the last two thirds of the service in tears. And on guard, waiting for the agenda to kick in, the part where they sneak in the hate and judgement. It was a real wake up call that I apparently have some issues to deal with about all this and my history.
So many complicated feelings. Guilt and shame and anger and hurt and embarrassment....
Complicated.
I'll be back on Sunday morning and start this journey to deal with some of this shit.
I like the Uni church. I went once, but because church-going has never been part of my background, I forgot about it every Sunday. I'm glad if you find community with the Uni church.
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